Randomness of God

Today my Random thought revolves around my life. But then again I guess all of my random thought revolve around me.

In FB yesterday I posted If "God took 18yrs to fulfill a promise would you still Praise Him? Hallelujah!! I say!!"

I began to think of the randomness of God. Is He really? I don't think so. But I also must admit that I don't understand it.

My faith assures me and makes me confident that God knows exactly what He is doing. I also am learning that God's timing is perfect.

Here's one of those Quantum Physics dilemma

I find myself Thanking God for today and for all that He continues to show me and all that He allows me to be a part of.

At the same time I look back at my life and some of the 'screwed' things that I did and some of the choices that I made.. and makes me want to beat my head against the wall (not literally)...

--staying here only for a second--

I can't believe some of the things I thought, said, and did. I have made huge mistakes and done things that would make the devil blush.

-- second is over--

So here's the dilemma:

Would I be the same person today that I am if God would not have allowed me to make those decisions early on in my life??

I don't want to be someone else. I'm finally beginning to like me . The "what if's" give me a headache.

And if things were different for me wouldn't they be different for you too? Would I be the same or worse? Would your life be yours or would it not exist? Would I love who I love now? Would I have a relationship with God or would I be Lost?

I just realized that God has been setting me up... for the biggest Blessing of my life..

I have been separated from my oldest daughter for 18yrs.

I have blamed everyone I could think of for this tragedy: Myself, her mom , the marines, the devil, myself (it's my guilt so i can include myself 2x) and even God..

Now I'm trying to make sense of all of this... Not sure that I will... not sure that I want to... But***

I have seen the miracles of God. I've been a witness to addicts coming clean, marriages restored, lives changed, people delivered.

I've heard God speak in the middle of the storm, protect, direct and Bless.. I've seen people without hope get hope without purpose see their purpose...

I've been there when God has healed from back aches, lumps and even the deaf and mute

Every sign and miracle I witnessed or was a part of increased my faith. Helped me to know that if God could do that .. then He can bring my daughter back to me...

I held on to a promise... I believed God... I actively waited on the Lord... and NOW Faith is FACT!!

He really did see every pain, struggle and hurt. Now I know that He saw every tear, heard every prayer and felt every distress. I am completely assured that nothing is impossible for GOD...

I am also convinced that there is NO RANDOMNESS IN GOD... I don't claim to understand.. but I can trust HIM..

I have no idea what all this means... But there is a stirring inside of me ... shouting out GREATER things!!!