Random on Vulnerability

It's been over a year since I posted anything on this blog.  For a second I began to wonder 'why?'. 
The answer came quickly - I realized that whatever I write is subject to scrutiny and criticism, especially if I stay honest to myself and actually talk about what is on my mind or what my struggles really are.  

So the actual issue is vulnerability and with that goes trust.  I want to be feel Safe {getting EMO}.  I need to TRUST that no one is going to ridicule, hurt or take advantage of my thoughts, ideas and feelings or see me less than what I really am. Truthfully, as I let my thoughts unravel through my fingers, that doesn't make any sense!  The very definition of vulnerability (Susceptible to physical or emotional injury, thefreedictionary.com) requires that there has to be a chance that Trust will fail and we will be hurt.

So I look to the Word of God for some Help (Psalm 121).  Looking at the writing style of the many psalmist I could take the approach of crying out in despair and then finally Calling on the Name of the Lord.
That approach works well when we consider that the author has already gone through the ordeal and is now writing from a place of fact not faith on the other side of deliverance and victory.  
My confession - I love that!!  To be able to rejoice, shout and praise because I have testimony after the Test!  I wish to interject a natural but.  But the struggle is in the middle of the fight not after.  To be vulnerable while we are going through it is like adding 'salt to the wound'. 

The other thought is take up the Apostle Paul's style of writing.  He told people exactly how it was. Handled confrontation and was a master at conflict resolution.  And if you didn't like it or repent he could suggest you be turned over to Satan (1 Cor 5:5).  I submit that when you are moving in 'signs, wonders and miracles' boldness in writing and communicating becomes easier.  Not really feeling that kind of power and authority all the time.  Nevertheless Paul still struggled with what people thought about him (1 Cor 12:6).

So I guess I'm going to make an attempt at this 'vulnerability' thing.  At times I will have a testimony because I'm on other side.  Other times I'm simply going through it without any real answers...  just questions...
If there is power in vulnerability then I have to take a chance...  even When it hurts...

I am left then to the fact that people are going to be people.  Some will drink the 'hatorade' to make themselves feel better about some other weakness and rejoice because they aren't as 'bad'.  To you I say 'thank God and rejoice that He has had Mercy".  Others will be encouraged knowing that they are not alone. to you I say "thank God and rejoice for His Grace is sufficient"