Random on Vulnerability

It's been over a year since I posted anything on this blog.  For a second I began to wonder 'why?'. 
The answer came quickly - I realized that whatever I write is subject to scrutiny and criticism, especially if I stay honest to myself and actually talk about what is on my mind or what my struggles really are.  

So the actual issue is vulnerability and with that goes trust.  I want to be feel Safe {getting EMO}.  I need to TRUST that no one is going to ridicule, hurt or take advantage of my thoughts, ideas and feelings or see me less than what I really am. Truthfully, as I let my thoughts unravel through my fingers, that doesn't make any sense!  The very definition of vulnerability (Susceptible to physical or emotional injury, thefreedictionary.com) requires that there has to be a chance that Trust will fail and we will be hurt.

So I look to the Word of God for some Help (Psalm 121).  Looking at the writing style of the many psalmist I could take the approach of crying out in despair and then finally Calling on the Name of the Lord.
That approach works well when we consider that the author has already gone through the ordeal and is now writing from a place of fact not faith on the other side of deliverance and victory.  
My confession - I love that!!  To be able to rejoice, shout and praise because I have testimony after the Test!  I wish to interject a natural but.  But the struggle is in the middle of the fight not after.  To be vulnerable while we are going through it is like adding 'salt to the wound'. 

The other thought is take up the Apostle Paul's style of writing.  He told people exactly how it was. Handled confrontation and was a master at conflict resolution.  And if you didn't like it or repent he could suggest you be turned over to Satan (1 Cor 5:5).  I submit that when you are moving in 'signs, wonders and miracles' boldness in writing and communicating becomes easier.  Not really feeling that kind of power and authority all the time.  Nevertheless Paul still struggled with what people thought about him (1 Cor 12:6).

So I guess I'm going to make an attempt at this 'vulnerability' thing.  At times I will have a testimony because I'm on other side.  Other times I'm simply going through it without any real answers...  just questions...
If there is power in vulnerability then I have to take a chance...  even When it hurts...

I am left then to the fact that people are going to be people.  Some will drink the 'hatorade' to make themselves feel better about some other weakness and rejoice because they aren't as 'bad'.  To you I say 'thank God and rejoice that He has had Mercy".  Others will be encouraged knowing that they are not alone. to you I say "thank God and rejoice for His Grace is sufficient"

Random Picture of Love

Those that know me, know that I live in a 'Glass House' and I am careful "not to throw rocks".  I'm also very aware that any position that we take will either attract or repel.

A friend of mine posted a picture to Facebook.  I refused to post it on this blog because it is offensive.  It was broken into four parts.  3 of them showed couples kissing (guy/girl; guy/guy; girl/girl)  Under each of those captions it said "this is love".   The fourth section had some people with picket signs that said "God Hates Fags" and the caption said "this isn't".   I almost posted directly on this photo but thought it would cause animosity since my position might not be popular for my friend's friends.

In situations like this it seems that our opinions should either be one way or the other...  Jump on the 'band wagon'...  or "left vs right".   These are the times were I feel like the square peg in the round hole.  Simply said..   I disagree with their picture on FB.

That a single picture of some 'homo-phobs" be used to represent God's positions on anything makes me nauseous.  Maybe more disturbing is that some would actually consider that they actually speak for God.   God has already spoken!!!  Today I'm glad that there isn't a dislike/disapprove button on FB since it may seems then I agree with 'gay-bashers'. 

On the other hand let me be clear;  None of the images above represent Love either.  The idea that love is defined by "a kiss"... is honestly SAD!!

Do we need a physical outward demonstration of Love?
If so try this one on...      "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  (Romans 5:8)

Random Thought on Pain

"Pain is an unpleasant feeling often caused by intense or damaging stimuli..." is how the Wiki on pain begins.

I have noticed that the older I get my threshold for physical pain keeps decreasing. Stubbing my toe or splinter makes me scream for Jesus and my Mommy in that order.
All of this brought me to my Random Thought and few points to ponder:

Pain can be physical and/or  emotional.
Pain is an equal opportunity offender it does not discriminate
Pain never announces itself though sometimes you can see it coming

People do not feel the same intensity of hurt for the same stimuli of pain
Experience or Time does not make Pain hurt less but might make us withstand better.
Pain always hurts
Pain is always personal!

My wife says when it comes to people "if your not close enough to be hurt your not close enough to make a difference".

When experiencing a hurt or pain at times, and meaning well, we might be Spiritualize and quote Romans 8:28  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

Really?!?  Could be the likely response from a person who does not know God nor trust Him.  Truth is we all have hurt, are hurting or will hurt.  There is no pain that is greater than another.  Each experience will be dependent on a previous experience, the time that has lapsed and the uniqueness of the person.  Needless to say the pain that hurts the most most is the current one we experiencing..   

Dealing with pain feels like an episode from the Twilight Zone.  That place right in the middle that confesses by faith "I know truth"; "I trust; "I believe I have received" but there is no natural manifestation and the more I pray the more it hurts. So I say to myself -- I really do know what I should believe and I even know what to say...  But I feel like running away!!  As if I can run away from my feelings..  I want to trust God but the voices in my head are driving insane!!

The time now comes to engage the mind.  To decipher and discern the Word.   The battle of my mind begins over Romans 8:28 --  Does it begin with definition and understanding?

So is the pain or situation for the Good of those that love him more than me?? 

 Do I love?? Am I called?

All questions that come up in the middle of the night when you can't sleep or when you wake....

There is no logic that can combat these thoughts..   Praying doesn't help as I feel like a spoil child throwing a tantrum..

Maybe it's simply my understanding of good?  What God perceives as good for me may not feel good to me.

So what am I to do??  I put my hand on the wound and squeeze..  Realizing that the pain I feel is a reminder that I am alive...    "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me" (Job)

Only choice now is to get up and fight..  I stand up and stand..   Ensuring that I don't let my HURT hurt others while allowing others to carry my burden..  I lean not on my own understanding but recognize that GOD is God!!!

That makes A.W. Tozer's quote “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.”   Have a fresh meaning.

Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
   and naked I will depart!

Random Thought on "Last Days"

Last Days?

The bible says: " 'In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Acts 2:17

Either we are or we are not in the "last days".
IF anyone believes the negative position then it would be right for them to sit around and do nothing and wait for the "last days".

However I have chosen to stand on the affirmative. I am thoroughly convinced by content and context of scripture that these are the "last days".

If these are the Last Days and God is Faithful then I have an expectancy to see a manifestation of the outpouring of His Spirit on all people.

God! I need to see an outpouring of Your Spirit! A breakthrough like never before were Your presence transforms people from the inside out. Where only Jesus gets all the Glory.

Start with Me, then Us, Right Here, and Right Now!!

Random Concern - Face vs Promise

I really do want to be more concerned with the person and character of God, not just the promises.

I have realized something very refreshing about God. Which I'm sure isn't a new revelation to a lot of people. But to me it's like a an ice cold glass of milk on hot day (Substitute your favorite beverage for milk). It's always cold, wet, satisfying and refreshing. That is that when I chase after God, His promises come to pass. But the opposite is also true. I get frustrated when I sit around waiting for a promise to manifest and it doesn't happen.

I guess it's part of the whole backwards kingdom logic: last to be first; weak to be strong; humble to be lifted foolish to be wise; die to live. And the opposite is true also. The more I seek the latter the more I feel like the former. What an anti culture dilemma. There's a "squirrel" causing another Random Thought on Promises. I'll leave that alone for now simply knowing that God is faithful to His Promises because He is the "Promise Keeper". All that said because it is so easy to get consumed in chasing the promises instead of the Promise Maker.

Being concerned with the person and nature of God takes on a completely different attitude. It's the true essence of the marriage vows: "in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy," At the time we don't ask the question "how sick, how poor, how bad or how sad?" Though some may act that way in divorce court (another squirrel).

All we know and all we are concerned with and even consumed with is being with the person we are about to call our spouse. Happily Ever After! amen.

This is where I want to be all the time with my God. I want to be concerned about His person. To know him deeper to know Him at a different level. The beauty of it is that when I study and His character, I experience His Person.

Scriptures than like
2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

This shows us His character IS merciful, forgiving, healing and loving. And we can experience His person if we would pray and seek His Face. The mistake that we have made is that we have created a formula and we miss the point. This isn't just a promise it's an invitation.

We should accept the invitation to sincerely and seriously seek God's face without any reward. Our concern should be to experience His Person. That process humbles us. His Presence reveals and forces us to turn from wickedness and respond "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined!" (Isaiah 6:5). If we would learn to be satisfied with that we would then learn His Character. We would see a glimpse of how amazing He Is. The manifestation of His promise simply proves His Character.

The new testament gives us a similar invitation in Matthew 6:25-34 to be more concerned about His Kingdom and Righteousness through that He will reveal His Character and Person.
not worry about the .

Here's one more scripture that speaks for itself
Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

The consequence for being concerned about God's Character and Person is promises manifested but that should not be the motivation.

I want my prayer to continue to be that of the psalmist:
My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. (Psalm 27:8)

I do believe we can have the latter when we submit to the former!!

.

Random Zeal Thought

From the outside looking in ... Zeal could like Madness ... No wonder some people think I'm CRAZY.. :-D

Random Zeal Thought
Thinking like a puppy

Zeal defined
–noun : fervor for a person, cause, or object; eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor.
—Synonyms intensity, passion.

2 Samuel 6:22 I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor."

I remember when I first came into a personal relationship with Jesus. An older man said to me "son never let that fire burn out" He was talking about the obvious passion that I had for the LORD my Master. I must have had that excited tail wagging hyper puppy look in my eyes waiting for my Master to throw the ball -- yelping and peeing all over the place.

I also remember while I was dreaming about planting LWF that someone commented about my 'zeal'. That it would be Zeal that would help grow the church. Now that was an encouraging Word. (There was a second part to that, but she never told me. Now for years I've wondered about that).

Truth be told I still am excited for my Master to throw the ball but I've learned not to pee all over the place and to sit, a sign of maturity.

The best part is that when He throws the ball I get to chase it and bring it back to Him.
He then encourages me and I get more excited. I think He likes it when I give it all I've got just to bring the ball (Glory) back to Him.

My RANDOM thought:
Can zeal be taken as arrogance?
Even if it's Zeal towards the Master?
Inside the church by the church?

If we take the above scripture incident out of context and just look at what David said to Michal it sounds very arrogant.

Almost sounds like kids on the playground taunting one another "He chose me and not your father".

If we put it back in the context of who David is, we can begin to see that David was lost in the moment of praise. His surroundings are no longer relevant. Worshiping God is the purpose and center of his 'zeal'

Unfortunately there are some that would see this behavior, call it foolishness and believe that David is just trying to bring attention to himself.

His dancing, leaping could be considered a performance, but it is for an audience of One.

So what then do we do and say concerning Zeal?

I want to be so consumed with Worship that if I happen to say or do something that looks foolish. Then let me be a fool for Jesus.

Master throw the Ball and I'll bring it back to YOU... and I won't let the Squirrels distract me !!

Random Shadow Thought

I was thinking about Psalm 23 today. That started me thinking about Shadows so I posted on my Facebook:

"walking through the valley of the SHADOW of death.

I'm not scared;

I only FEAR that I don't have enough time left to tell the world that there is NO time left"

Random Shadow Thought

As I allowed my mind to think randomly about life's ups and downs, valleys, mountains, life, death and shadows -- I realized that the Psalmist didn't say that he was walking through the "Valley of Death" but the "valley of the SHADOW of death".

SO I began to notice a couple things about shadows. Shadows are a forcast of the real thing or even a forcast of something to come. A shadow is not real but a projection of a real thing. If we see a shadow approaching we can safely assume that someone or something is approaching but it's not here yet.

The idea of walking through an area where death is approaching gripped me, if only for a second. The realization is that we have nothing to be scared of even if death is approaching.

We are covered by the Blood of the Lamb. In the same way the angel of death passed over the homes when he saw the blood of the lamb (Exodus 12). Death must also passover us because of the Blood (1 Peter 1:19).

So what is this "valley of the Shadow of death" that we are walking through? We can all agree that we are in the last days known as the end times. Death is approaching; the shadow is the forecast. People will die and will have to give an account -- the judgement. The judgement is death.

We don't have much time to tell the world about the gift of eternal life that comes through Jesus. We are out of time to convince people that excuses will not work on Judgement Day. That the only way to escape judgement is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.

Yes, I walk through Reading and I have no fear because God is with me. The truth is that I'm running out of time because I know the shadow of death is approaching and there are so many people that don't have a personal relationhip with Christ.

Lord help me!! I desire for more people to proclaim that they will live in Your House forever!

....

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.